Alright, New Plan
by Laryna6
Summary: Silly Asch, you'd think that waking up with the dreck and the dumb blond in his bed after getting drunk would teach him that alcohol doesn't solve anything. Dreck cooties, uniform confusion and utter crack ensue.


_This is a fic done for the sadly-deleted ToA kink meme on lj. The same meme that I did the fem!Luke stuff for that's in another fic. I thought this one was tame enough I could post it here as well as adulfanfictiondotnet._

_Prompt: Asch/Luke/Guy; After the party. Drunkenness and cross-dressing involved. X)_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of the Abyss or associated properties in this fic, Namco Bandai does, no infringement intended or money made._

* * *

Asch was the first to regain consciousness. As even the ashes of the sacred flame, he had so many seventh fonons practically stalking him that while they didn't do much about injuries fast enough to help in battle when given a few hours to work with things like hangovers were things that happened to other people.

Of course, a hangover would have been a mercy compared to waking up in a bed filled nearly to overflowing with a sprawled out yet simultaneously snuggling two people replica. The dreck was, was touching him!

Asch decided he couldn't be entirely sober yet if he was thinking things like the fact he was in danger of catching dreck cooties, although he probably already must have. If cooties existed. Which they... He needed a drink. He didn't remember anything, so hopefully they wouldn't either, and if he got drunk and got out of there this would have _never happened_.

What made it worse was that when he went in search of booze he found another bed, one containing Natalia, Tear, Noelle, and _Jade, _of all the undeserving bastards. There was no justice in the world! He could have been in _that_ bed instead of one with the dreck and the blond! He had to resist the urge to kick the smug-looking necromancer as he went past. Lucky bastard! Sadly, he wanted to get out of here with his dignity and limbs intact.

After he got drunk.

It was almost when he was almost out the door that he realized he was still naked. Order of Lorelei uniform, Order of Lorelei uniform... he was dimly aware it wasn't his, but a uniform was a uniform.

Then he heard yawning as one of the doors opened and the dreck walked out, looking vulnerable (fuckable) in a way that made what Asch dearly hoped weren't memories start to surface (there was no way the replica was that good in bed), carrying a glass and, "Why are you wearing my uniform?"

Luke blinked at him blankly (but then his mind was always blank). "You were the one who ripped my clothes off."

"You remember?" No. No no no no no!

"Of course. Why are you dressed like Tear?"

What? For the second time that morning he was without the wonderful brain-cell-killing gift to man from an universe out to get it called alcohol. "Gah!"

"Um, Asch, it's not good to bang your head against the wall like that."

"Don't care."

"Do you want me to get you a drink? Guy wanted another glass of that special he learned how to make in Chesedonia and I'm going to have another glass of milk."

A few more things were starting to make horrible sense. "Milk?"

"Of course. I'm underage."

Which meant that not only would the replica have perfectly clear memories but it was possible that Asch's memories of the replica being the one with enough self-control to be the one in charge of doing the preparing, and then... He'd let the replica fuck him through the mattress. Sure, he might have been the one giving the eager-to-please thing all the orders, but...

Okay. New plan. He was going back to the room with the drinks and pouring Guy's special down Luke's throat until all those memories went bye-bye. Only about a third of it ended up going down his own throat.

And the replica practically had a fonstone sign like the ones in Keterberg over his head saying, "take advantage of me!" And if the replica had fucked him then Asch would at least come out on top enough times it didn't matter.

The replica's 'fuckable' look was anything but false advertising. Even Natalia screaming, "What did I do last night?" Was an irritating distraction.

Asch just yelled, "Not me, and keep it down already!" at the wall.

Other distractions were ignored.

"Is that..." So that hadn't been just a dream? Guy stared at Tear and Asch... Asch and Luke...

"I would ask how they learned how to do all that, but sadly I have a high alcohol tolerance and I've done far too much work on these eyes to gouge them out." Jade took another drink anyway, and then passed the bottle to a wide-eyed Tear.


End file.
